The only part that may be true is how you kill a zombie. Sure enough, if you shoot the zombie in the head, or decapitate it, it will die. Nothing short of that will do much to stop a zombie from accomplishing (or trying to accomplish) it’s goal. Sure, if you cut off its limbs and leave it, it might have a hard time doing what it was sent to. However, it will continue to try. Just go with the basics. Aim for the head, then demolish it.

If you want to know the nitty-gritty, zombies are just reanimated corpses. Usually, they are raised by a necromancer for many purposes. They could be fodder for attacking enemies of the Necromancer. Or perhaps they are just raised to get information from them while they were alive. This method of retrieving information has a 20% chance of actually working. It really depends on the many factors, such as how long they’ve been in the ground, etc, etc. A lot of Psychics will tell you that their method is much more accurate and reliable. Could be.

Have no fear of the Zombie apocalypse. Well, normally we wouldn’t, unless a necromancer decides to take over the world. Although I have to admit, I wouldn’t know of any Necromancer with the power to raise enough dead. If we lived in a world where zombies could be created simply from a bite, then we’d be in trouble. Honestly, would we be able to get rid of such a problem? We’d have to nuke everything. Then where would we be if not living on some remote island in the middle of nowhere? I mean come on.

So everything you think you know about Zombies, forget it. Because it’s all wrong.

Demons. Let’s start with these sons of bitches. They’re very, very rare. Remember, all Demons are fallen Angels. That’s right. They took the plunge along with Lucifer when he defied God. So what do you think the chances are that you’d ever see one? That’s right, slim to none. Demons are rare. They’re even rarer to interact with. They normally have spirits do their bidding. Yes, they make us lowly humans do all the nasty stuff.

So you’ll hear about the possessions, and so on and think it’s a Demon, but the truth is, it’s only a powerful spirit given extra mojo by some Demon. It’s not to say that these spirits are not a force to be reckoned with. But what it comes down to is that they are still spirits and are bound to the same laws as normal spirits.

There are also variations of such pseudo-demons as well. You have the rage demons, fire demons, etc. There are even good demons. It may seem impossible, but it’s true. Good demons are rare. I think I can count on one hand the amount of good demons.

Now Angels. Those guys aren’t much different from Demons. They always follow orders. They never question their superiors. The odds are slim that you will actually see or meet one. Angels are cut from the same cloth as Demons, remember.

Angels carry out the orders of God. They make sure their pseudo-angels know all that is going on. These spirits that we call Angels carry much power, but mostly their power is used to influence humans, and give them the correct decisions to make their outcome just a bit happier.

You hear the work of pseudo-angels everywhere you go. You hear about a miracle here and there. Someone gets a miraculous save from a house fire, or someone lives through some accident and believe God was on their side. This is only partially true. Most likely what happened is a pseudo-angel came in time to save the day.

But this is all about Angels and Demons. The real thing. Truth is, I don’t know much more than this about them. Because they’re so rare, there is very little “real” lore about them. As far as we’re all concerned, anything that shows up in the bible is fact concerning their powers and abilities.

I do however know that they are not omniscient or omnipotent. They have their limits. They can only hear or know what’s going on in your general area if you utter their name. Otherwise, they won’t know what’s going on. They are not God. Even Lucifer/Satan is not necessarily omnipotent. He is certainly not omniscient. He is still, in essence, an Angel, after all.

Demons are the same way. Don’t utter their name, and they won’t hear you. Unless they already know to look for you. In which case, Angel or Demon, you don’t want that to happen.

I also want to say this. Vampires are dead. That means they are dead. D-E-A-D dead. They don’t have a heartbeat, they feel cold as hell, and they aren’t exactly the party types. They don’t drink, they don’t eat (can you imagine? ugh), and they certainly do NOT, I repeat, do NOT procreate. That means no vampire babies and definitely no half vampires. You’re either a vampire or you’re not. You’re dead or you’re not dead. Pretty simple right? So put your misconceptions away about vampire romance, because it isn’t going to happen.

Now I’m not privileged to know exactly how they create more vampires, but I do know that it involves magic of some kind. No one really knows how vampirism started. It’s a question even the oldest of vampires have. (Or so I hear) Everyone has a need to know their origins, even vampires, even if they’re not human. I think it’s probably more of a curse than a magical thing, but I have no idea, only theories. It’s just a guess I have from my experience hunting them down. You can’t become a vampire just by being bitten by one. That’s something I know from experience. As far as I know, they don’t drain your blood and leave you on the cusp of death and feed you back their own blood either. So your guess is as good as mine on how they’re created. I only know how they’re not made.

Just because vampires are dead, don’t think they don’t have intelligence. They’re definitely not zombies. Zombies are another story. Anyways, vampires retain their smarts. They’re just the same as when they were alive, except they’re dead. Some things are enhanced, however. They do possess a sort of superhuman strength. I’ve seen a colleague get tossed across a big room with relative ease by a vampire once. Pretty scary stuff. I just want to point out that all physical attributes are increased. They’re faster, stronger, and they can endure quite a bit. I’ve also heard of vampires who could actually mesmerize people. But I think this is from experience and something they had before they turned. If you were a psychic as a human, when you turn, your psychic ability would be on steroids and become powerful. Imagine the possibilities! It’s kinda scary actually.

Now I know what you’re thinking. If a vampire doesn’t have all these weaknesses like garlic, silver and such, how do you kill them? Believe me, it’s not easy. It’s not exactly a booming career choice, being a vampire hunter. Most of us don’t live past a few months to be honest. I’m actually surprised that I’ve survived as long as I have. It’s been 20 years since I started hunting. I have to admit there are only a handful of us left. It’s kinda sad actually. Sometimes I really miss some of those guys from the old days. We had some fun.

But I digress.

Vampire hunting just requires a lot of planning. You have to know what you’re going up against. Staking a vampire isn’t going to kill him. It’s actually not rocket science. There are no special rituals or hokey pokey thing you have to do in order for a vampire to die. They’re somewhat like us human folk. Personally, I prefer decapitation. It’s kinda tough to recover from that. When your head is separated from the body, unless you’re a golem or something you’re pretty much finished. But if cutting off heads isn’t for you, normally just doing enough damage to the body is going to finish them off. A few bullets might not be enough to stop a vampire, but I’m pretty sure if you shot one up full of them with a machine gun they’ll go away. It’s a waste of ammo though. A good machete is great for vampire hunting. Just saying.

Vampires do crave blood. It’s not exactly for what you think. There’s no hunger or anything like that. They don’t exactly need it to “live”. They certainly don’t get warmer when they drink blood, that’s for sure. They need it to heal themselves, essentially. It again has something to do with the magic. Remember, a vampire is dead. That means the normal means of healing don’t happen. I mean, they don’t have a heart that beats, right? How can they possibly heal themselves? When they drink blood, the magic/curse is empowered and uses up the blood and heals their wounds. Make sense?

Vampire society is pretty straightforward. They set themselves up in covens similar to witches, and there’s usually a coven for every large city. For smaller towns and communities, a coven could be one master vampire (usually the oldest) to maybe one to three younger/weaker vampires. In the big cities, I’ve seen covens as large as hundreds. It really depends on the community and the population. Normally, I don’t mess with covens. They usually have their own laws that prevent unnecessary killing of humans. Though personally I can’t think of a time when it would be necessary. I mean, really, right?

Anyways, vampires don’t normally go out and kill people and drain their blood, leaving them for dead. I don’t even know what they do. Why do they even exist? I have no idea. My job is to take care of them if they cross that line. I scan the papers for mysterious deaths, and investigate. If there’s a coven going out of control, I’m there. That’s my job. Of course, vampires don’t see it that way. Funny how things work.

What other myths can I squash? Oh, vampires don’t turn into bats or wolves or any other thing. They’re not shape changers, like therians (short for therianthropes). I’m pretty sure we have enough things out there that can change their shape. We don’t need vampires doing it too. Oh and vampires don’t sleep. Not really. I mean they’re dead. Last I checked sleeping wasn’t necessary for dead people. So they don’t have coffins, and they don’t sleep during the day, and no, the daytime isn’t necessarily the best time to hunt them.

The biggest thing about vampires is this: they look just like us. They can be your neighbor, your mailman, your coworker, anyone. They look and act like us, except for a few subtle things. If you looked at a vampire enough, you’ll notice they don’t breathe. I mean they are so still sometimes you’d think they were dead. See what I mean? Also, they might avoid touching you or anyone. Normally their skin is going to be cold, or perhaps not so cold. They’re gonna be the temperature of the environment. This could be why there are so many vampires in warmer climates. So they blend in better. But think about it. Anyone can be a vampire.